For class we had to experiment with, yet again, a unique writing style. (Now, now, don't get too excited. It's not more Twilight fan fiction, because that would be gross.) I chose "The List" because it was short, and I'm smart like that.
1. Where is your cell phone? In the side pocket of my backpack, smushed somewhere in between old granola bar/string cheese wrappers and an umbrella that’s threatening to mold. That’s kind of disgusting. I wonder what sort of creatures of fungus and bacteria are growing in my backpack. And then just think! I put my phone in there--my phone that is pressed up against my cheek for considerable amounts of time everyday. I am so gross.
2. Where is your significant other? At 7:35 am it is likely that Richard is asleep and that his stupid, stinky, needy dog is hogging the bed and forcing Richard out to the exiled perimeter of the mattress. So even though he is still asleep, and has been for quite some time now, he will wake up tired. I hate* that dog.
* Hate is a strong word. In this context it is being used by the writer for dramatic and comical effect. This, in no way, reflects the true feelings of said writer. Because, really, who could honestly hate a chawini dog that was found in a park scavenging for food, half starved to death, who looks up at you from that scrawny little body with those eyes, like two sister moons on fire, that seem to say to your soul, "I've been abused and abandoned. Help me Obi-wan-kenobi. You're my only hope"?
3. Your hair? My hair has become somewhat of a joke to me. This summer I bought a really bright box of red hair dye, thinking it would fade out to something mild. It never really did, and although I was at first frightened to have crayon-red hair, I get so many compliments on it I’ve maintained the unnatural color. I get multiple compliments daily--from random strangers--seriously, like, random strangers. People in parking lots, girls washing their hands next to me in the bathrooms, fast food workers. I guess it turns out that everyone likes crayon colored hair, but no one has the actual guts/stupidity to dye it themselves. The world is living vicariously through me. And I’m OK with that.
4. Your mother? My mother is a saint. Anyone who can raise 11 children all by themselves and have them all turn out relatively normal is a saint.
5. Your father? He died. I know, I know . . . I accept your apology. It’s OK. I’ve dealt with it.
For the most part.
6. Your favorite thing? People! But I guess people aren’t things. So, If I’m thinking of things then I’d have to say my guitar. It’s my catharsis on really rotten terrible no good very bad days.
7. Your dream last night? I was tossing and turning. I had a nightmare that I slept through my alarm and was unable to sneak up to campus to turn in a paper that was technically due last night by midnight. In my defense, I had it done by eleven, but was it my fault that the JFSB was locked? Of course not.
8. Your favorite drink? Water. I’m finding that milk makes me ill and that the citrus acid from juice gives my stomach a good turn as well. *gulp* I think I’m allergic to food.
9. Your dream/goal? To get to bed before midnight.
10. The room you're in? I’m in the library. I live here. I’ve been here since 7:15 am. I came here directly after slipping my late paper (which really should have been on time) in the box by my professors dark office in the JFSB. I’m hoping the darkness indicates that he hasn’t been on campus yet today, and that he took an early night last night and will not notice that my paper was not turned in by midnight. But that’s besides the point....we were talking about the library.
11. Your hobby? Umm...yes? (Seriously, who has time for hobbies when they are a supersenior? I’m probably a supersenior because I once had too many hobbies. Hobbies equal no graduation. Boo.)
12. Your fear? Everyone says dying alone. Now, is that really so bad? I think it would be much more scary for a professor to refuse your midterm because it wasn’t placed in his box before midnight on the 13th of October like it should have been. That’s terrifying!
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I’ve given up on this question. I’m never right.
14. Where were you last night? Trying to sneak into the JFSB, of course.
15. What you're not? An Amniturner.
16. Muffins? What the random? You’re really asking me about muffins?
17. Where you grew up? Confession: I never really grew up. I just pretend to be an adult when it’s required.
18. The last thing you did? This is a hard question. What does it mean by “did”? I just breathed, and typed the previous sentence, and drank my pineapple orange juice that will give me a stomach ache, and before that--before I came to the library to hang out with all the crazy early birds here--I was reattempting to sneak into the JFSB (but I guess this time it wasn’t sneaking because it wasn’t locked) and before that, well . . . well, I was sleeping.
19. What are you wearing? Sadly, clothing.
20. Your TV? TV is of the devil. It sucks people’s lives away. They spend their time watching shows like Friends secretly wishing they had real friends, just like Phoebe and Rachel and Joey. But the truth is, they’ll never have friends like that, so long as they are glued to that time sucking machine of technological doom!
21. Your pets? Cinder is a stray cat that showed up on our doorstep one day after I prayed that God would send me a cat to be my companion. She’s a pretty good cat, except for when you touch her belly the wrong way. Then she strikes out at you, claws sinking into your defenseless flesh. I think she has a tumor in her tummy.
22. Your computer? I don’t have a computer. Again, I live at the library.
23. Your life? Hahaha...(nervous laugh).
24. Your mood? Does a citrus stomachache count as a mood?
25. Missing someone? Well! Wouldn’t you like to know? . . . oh, you would? Well, of course I am. Always am. Always have been.
26. Your car? My car is the most practical thing I’ve ever purchased. It’s so economic it makes me blush.
27. Something you're not wearing? Socks. I probably should have worn them, because I’m wearing my leather moccasins and I’m assuming they’ll make my feet stink by the end of the day. Oops.
28. Last summer? Well, you know what I did. . . .
29. Like someone? I’m no grinch. I like most people.
30. Your favorite color? I hate this question. It’s one frequently asked on first dates and first days of school and in Relief Society when the teacher knows her lesson will be too short and wants to waste time “helping the class get better acquainted with each other”. I like most colors, just like the way I like people. That is, except for the people who ask me this question.
31. When was the last time you laughed? Yesterday. I read the best essay ever! It was about a girl who mourned over the death of her cat more than the death of her grandma. I know that doesn’t sound very nice, but it was hi-LAR-ious.
32. Last time you cried? Dude, I’m not volunteering that information.
