The Waiting Game

pas·sion
[pash-uhn] -noun

1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.
3. the object of such a fondness or desire.
4. an outburst of strong emotion or feeling.

I'm wiggin' out a little. Ok, I lied. I'm wiggin' out a lot. I'm hanging out in the twilight zone. (And no, I don't mean the one in the BYU bookstore. I'm talking about the one with the groovy theme song. You know it. The one that goes do DO do do, do DO do do.) I stand back with my jaw on the floor, amazed by the way my life is starting to sound like a broken record. (A cool broken record though--like the one you would mix into a P. Diddy song.) Can I just play it back for ya?

As of December 15th 2006 my one and only shining passion was England. I sold my maroon Honda, Accord and my soul to pay for the England and Literature Study Abroad program. Nothing sounded as appealing as backpacking through the UK with a bunch of lit/creative writing junkies. And I mean nothing! My typical passions faded into the background.
School and Classes? "Who cares?" I thought, "I'll soon be reading Wordsworth over his grave and frolicking through the Moors that inspired Emily Bronte to birth that gorgeous and odious fellow Heathcliff!" (My heart still goes out to you Heathcliff. You are my one and only fictional crush. *sigh*)
Work? It was only the means to an end. The more I worked, the more chocolate and pashminas I could buy in the UK. I still can't believe that I swept floors in that hair salon for so many boring hours.
Boys? They were lame sauce. Like lumpy, moldy gravy type lame sauce too. Not even the lame sauce that is worth straining through the lame with your teeth to get to the tasty sauce. I ignored them and decided to only respond to them when they offered food. I had to pinch all my pennies for this trip and free food was the only economical option, clearly.
Chocolate? I figured it was silly to waste any time/calories on the waxy American crap when Cadburry was faithfully waiting for me across the pond.
Music? Everything revolved around finding the perfect playlist for my iPod. My trip to England was to be perfect, and that meant that it needed the perfect soundtrack. All other singers who were not folk, Brittish or John Mayer (because he trumps everything, even England) became worthless to me.
Snowboarding? Expensive...but still a necessary/guilty pleasure. I guess I didn't exactly give this sucker up. I had to buffen up my quads somehow for all the insane hiking that would go on in England--right?

So where do I sit now while I am watching the clock tick tock tick tock and counting the days until I report? Passionless.

Classes? I have two more weeks until the end of the block, baby! I've exponentially lost interest as each week has flown by. Why would I want to do homework when I could do more exciting mission related stuff like applying for my visa, shopping for frumpy clothes, and studying up on Preach My Gospel?
Work? I sure do love working for Jon Mott and know that I will miss it. Wow, I can't believe that I've been doing this techy stuff for three years now. If I'm not a computer pro now, I don't know when I'll ever be.
Boys? Ok, can I just put out a word of advice to any women out there in the LDS world who are struggling to swipe dates? GET YOUR MISSION PAPERS! You don't even have to go (although I would recommend it, because a) you get to serve the Lord 100%, b) you receive mega blessings and if you don't believe me than just read my previous post, and c) if you serve now you will return when I do, and we could be friends and maybe even roommates and I would still have friends when I get back from the mish) but at least get those suckers in your hands. Once you have them, the boys will come in legion. Maybe they won't be the type of boys you really want, because most likely they're commitmentphobes, but they can at least serve as guinea pigs until you get the swing of things down with the dating game. As soon as your confidence level has peaked with the pigs, you can move onto the major leagues. *Shoulder shrug* Or, you could really serve that mission, because gee, wouldn't it be neat if you were called to my mission and if you could serve as my companion? I know it's far fetched, but still, it would be neat.
So did this method work for me? Well, I don't know if that's information I'd share on a public blog, so you can fill in the blank yourself. Tee hee.
Chocolate? I've been nervously hogging down Hershey's chocolate bars for the past few days, but only because they've been the only thing around. Becca and crew had a failed campfire last week and the smores did not happen, which means that I was left with 8 chocolate bars. What would you do if 8 innocent chocolate bars were smiling up at you from your tupperware pantry box? I would eat them/have eaten them. However, I am still very much looking forward to Cadburry! It is the bestest chocolate in the whole wide world! And I'm pretty sure that I gained 10lbs that I can attribute soley to the giant Cadbury bars John Bennion would bring to us from Tesco. I sure am glad that the old "chocolate causes acne" legend has been debunked, because mmmm boy! Do I love chocolate! Only 39 days until my mad affair with Cadbury can begin!
Music? I kid you not, I feel guilty buying anything on iTunes that is not mission worthy. I've even been neglecting John Mayer. John freakin' Mayer!!! I feel like I've been infected with this strange pre-mission disease. Nothing is worth laying down greenbacks for that does not talk of God/gospel/etc. Even Janice Kapp Perry is starting to sound appealing....and I'm totally kidding, because I would never go that far. *Puke.* Lately I have bought 3 (three) different renditions of "Jesus Christ the Apple Tree", have been considering investing in BYU Men's Chorus's Greatest Hits (if that actually exists), and am deeply coveting Jordan's collection of Mindy Gledhill's music. Shoot, I haven't even felt like playing my own music lately. My little Yamaha c-40 has started to collect dust.
Snowboarding? I've almost forgotten what this is. It seems like it's been forevertime since I've hit those silver slopes. I'm hoping that we'll get some good powder before I leave so I can board one last time. However, I also have the looming fear in my head that I'd break a leg while boarding and then I'd have to wait to serve and consequently get sent somewhere else--somewhere else that is not England. :( I don't know if it's worth the risk.

Did anyone else feel this way before their mission? Please, console me, tell me I'm normal, and that everything will be alright. Until then I will continue to bang my head on this desk here and count down the days.

38 and seven eighths...

38 and three quarters...

38 and one half...